As the world falls down x x x ♥ [entries|friends|calendar] ♥ Anna ♥ [ website | ~*~My myspace profile~*~ ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

New lj. [17 May 2007|12:21am] [ mood | content ] I'm making a new lj. x 2 comments|post comment

It's been a while.... [10 Nov 2006|01:06am] [ mood | angry ] [ music | none at the moment. ] Hey. Gosh, I've not updated in ages! I've been using my MySpace Blog cause hardly anyone reads that. I dunno why I'm even bothering to update. I'll probably not update again for months. So.. Do I have anything to say? Erm... Zaba is on Monday. Callum can't make the practise tommorow because he's babysitting. That isn't good. =/ Um... Steve doesn't talk to me at all anymore. I don't know why. I probably wont find out why. Because everytime I try to talk to him he ignores me. Cheers. But I do have the feeling that someone has told him some stuff about me. I wouldn't be surprised if they had. Again cheers for that. Oh and it's back again. So now you can all go off and have yer wee bitch about me being moany, melodramatic, and depressing. Have fun kids. But next time can I join in? I have quite a good knowledge on the subject. And before I go.. I can't believe that we made a film to raise awareness of mental health in young people. When we bad mouth people with mental health problems outside of the group. It upsets me a lot. That's all Anna xXx post comment

yeah. [01 Oct 2006|07:57pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | none ] So yeah. I just typed out a huge update and lost it. Fantastic. For the first time in a long time I feel really lonely. I really regret telling people things because all that happens is I either get laughed at or I get given a set of rules to abide. What's the point? people are constantly telling me that they're there to listen and to help me but do they really mean it? I don't think so. People pretend to be interested for a short time until they realise that they have better things to do than to listen to me. I like being able to talk to someone who I know wont breathe a word of what I say to anyone. I like being able to talk to someone who tries to understand and I like being able to talk to someone who actually listens.. And that someone has helped me out so much. I'm really greatful for that. Whenever my anxiety seems to be going away it always comes back to haunt me. I used to have so much hope and determination but now I'm running out of it. I don't think this is ever going to go away. Whenever I find something that takes my mind off of it that something is always taken away from me and I end up feeling worse. I really am on my own. It's only me who can fix it and I don't know how to do it. I can't stop asking myself the same questions over and over again. I don't want to lose the feeling I had when I was near you because it's the only thing that's giving me hope at the moment. I'm still hanging on to that feeling even though people tell me not to. People seem to think they can give me a set of rules to follow. People think they can tell me what I should and shouldn't do. Well, they can't. This is in my control and I'll do what I choose to do. I'm not stupid, I'm not about to ruin things for myself again and I certainly don't want to make things difficult for other people. It's so easy for someone to send a little hug and say "I'm here if you need to talk" People seem to make everything look so pretty when they know for a fact that it's not. I'm not happy. Trying to move on just doesn't work. I just want someone who will actually genuinely listen to me. I want someone who tries to understand. I feel so alone in this and I should probably just accept that because it's my problem and no one elses. I want to be someone people can come to when they are upset. I will listen to people, I do genuinely want to help people, and I don't go around telling people other peoples secrets. I wish I knew the answers but I don't. I guess I never will. I wake up each morning with this hope that i'll be able to feel the way I felt when you were around. But my hope is running out and I'm really struggling. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I feel like this is going to be the way things are forever. It's strange how one word can take you back to a place that you really don't want to go. I feel like hiding away from everyone. It's happening all over again. Why can't people think before they speak? I can't do this on my own. I wish I could but I really can't. I wish you were here. xXx 5 comments|post comment

*~* Don't tell me truth hurts, little girl, cause it hurts like hell *~* [08 Aug 2006|12:16am] [ mood | okay ] [ music | david bowie - underground ] Well I just wrote a big update. and my mouse froze and it got deleted. Great :] I need to make sense of things. This is driving me insane. But I've found someone to talk to and I'll be seeing them soon. Please don't ask about it. And please don't ask who it is that I'm going to speak to. I don't mean to sound nasty, it's just something that I'd like to keep personal. Tonight wasn't so good. Well it wasn't the best night... I got alot of frights but it will be fine. I can't expect everything to be perfect all of the time. So... results tommorow. yeah. There's nothing I can do about them now, so I'll just have to deal with it. There's so much on my mind right now. There's so much I need to say, so much I need to ask. People say I can talk to them but I really don't want to, It's not fair on them to listen to me go on about crap that they don't want to hear. People never know what to say, and that's really unfair because it makes them feel uncomfortable. I appreciate people being there for me but there's just some things I don't want to talk about, it's unfair on them. So yeah.. I'm relieved that I'm going to be getting help soon. That makes me feel alot better. I can't afford to go downhill again so it's good that I have found someone to talk to. Anyway that's all for now. Anna xXx post comment

*~* I have never, ever, ever felt this way *~* [06 Aug 2006|09:38pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | none at the moment. ] Hey. Well today has been fab! It was the open day at the RDA, and it went really well. My primary 7 teacher Miss Smith was there. She's a total legend! it was really nice to see her again. She volunteers at the RDA as well, she goes on Fridays. We were in the arena and she recognised me, she says I haven't changed a bit lol! Me and my mum stood and chatted to her for a wee while. Man... primary seven was so long ago! but it was an amazin' year! I mind that game "silent ball" we used to play! that was brilliant! Anyhoo... Me and Abbi had to take wee Ben round the arena. He's Hannah's wee shetland pony and he may look cute but he's really cheeky lol. He tried to run off when we were grooming him and he kept trying to escape during the service, but you've got to love him cause he is adorable. I've had a really good day today but I'm really tired cause I stayed up till 6am. I'll probably be up all night tommorow night as well... Exam results are coming on Tuesday. And I'm actually terrified. I really need to talk to someone again. Not someone at the hospital, because I just don't think things are that bad anymore and I don't want to run back to them just to discuss things that aren't effecting me as much anymore. I dunno... I just have so much on my mind at the moment and I need to talk about stuff so I don't get worked up. Anyway that's all for now Anna xXx 2 comments|post comment

*~* and again, and again, and again, and again *~* [02 Aug 2006|10:07pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | none at the moment. ] Hey. So today has been incredibly boring. I didn't get up till 3:10pm and I've had such a lazy day. I watched A Cinderella Story though, that was fun. Pffft. I hate feeling so lazy and bored. I asked my mum if she would get me some books about world war 1 for my birthday. I'm really interested in learning more about it. It fascinates me. That trip has really had such an enourmous effect on me. I miss it so much. So yeah... Exam results soon. that should be fun... Aren't my parents gonna be so proud of me when my results come back and I've done absolutely crap. I'm really hoping that I've done well im music and RME. I know I'll have done crap in History and English. I'm to blame for that though, I could have passed if I hadn't mucked about all year. It's my fault, I know I'm capable of doing so much better. This year is my chance to prove that. I'm really nervous about opening that envelope. I really hope my mum and dad aren't home when it arrives. They weren't in when I opened my standard grade results and I liked it that way. I'm feeling really paranoid. Are my friends judging me? I don't want them thinking that about me... I don't know what to do. This is what happens when I don't do anything all day. It gives me the chance to think too much. Ach, that's all. Anna xXx 1 comment|post comment

*~* hate to say I told you so *~* [01 Aug 2006|09:41pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | green day - jesus of suburbia ] Hellooo there!! Oh my gosh today has been so amazing!!!! Tonight we had a training night at the RDA and we got to ride!! I LOVED IT!!! I was kinda scared when I first got on but when we got going it was incredible. The feeling is just fantastic. Lucy is such a lovely pony, she's really good natured and friendly. As soon as I got off her I wanted to go back on again. I can't wait till the next training night! I am really proud of myself for tonight because I could easily have chickened out but I didn't and I am so glad I didn't because it was just so amazing! Abbi went around the arena without being led cause she's really experienced with horse riding. But I'll need to get led a lot more before I am able to go out on my own. But I've had such a fantastic evening!! yaaaay :D !! Anna xXx post comment

*~* who knew... *~* [27 Jul 2006|02:17am] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | none at the moment. ] I don't want to feel like this. I've just had some really amazing times, and I am so greatful for them. I have been really happy recently. But right now... I'm not. I feel so lost. Everything is so different now. Why is it just beginning to sink in? I don't have someone to call my own. I don't have someone to tell everything to. Someone to feel safe and secure with. Someone to hold. Somoene to kiss. Someone who loves me back... And yes, I know I'm not the only one who feels like that. But these are my feelings, and I'm going to express them. call me pathetic and emo if you want. I need that feeling again. I miss that feeling. But I'm stuck on you and I wish I wasn't because I know that you don't love me. I wish I could wake up from fairytale land and realise that it's never gonna happen. But I just get so caught up in everything. Sometimes I feel okay, and I think to myself... I'm happy being independent, I don't need anyone. But I really do. Nothing makes sense. I can't figure it out. People may read this and get the wrong idea. People may read this and think I'm doing it to make people feel bad. I'm not This entry is about two people. I don't know what's going on anymore. At least this way I know I'll get over you. I won't have the chance to become addicted. I don't want to get over you. But I have to. I'm not in dream land anymore. This is the reality of it. I need to realise that. I miss you so much. I know you don't want to be my friend. But I really do miss you. You were the one I turned to for everything. You were the one who made me feel safe again. You were the one who made me realise that it was okay to be me. You were the one who made me forget the past. You were the one who protected me. You were the one who helped me gain my confidence back. You showed me what it was to be loved. And then it all ended. And we are nothing anymore. Do you ever miss speaking to me? Do you ever think about me? Do you ever think about the old times? Do you ever cry when you think of them? Cause let me tell you, I do. If you are reading this right now. I don't know if you will. But if you are. I just need you to know that I miss you and I need you. I need you as a friend. I know we're not together anymore and I know we don't love each other in the way that we used to. But I need you. Especially at this time. Please just try... Try to be a friend. I really need you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad and I'm not asking for you back. I'm asking for friendship. Please? Why bother hiding it. It's pretty obvious anyway. The above in italics is about Steve. The rest is not about Steve. Don't anyone dare moan at me for this entry. I'm allowed to have feelings. Anna xXx 4 comments|post comment

♥ [27 Jul 2006|01:38am] [ mood | okay ] [ music | the cure - just like heaven <3333333 ] show me show me show me how you do that trick the one that makes me scream she said the one that makes me laugh she said and threw her arms around my neck show me how you do it and I promise you I promise that i'll run away with you i'll run away with you spinning on that dizzy edge I kissed her face and kissed her head and dreamed of all the different ways I had to make her glow why are you so far away? she said why won't you ever know that i'm in love with you? that i'm in love with you? you soft and only you lost and lonely you strange as angels dancing in the deepest oceans twisting in the water you're just like a dream... you're just like a dream... daylight licked me into shape I must have been asleep for days and moving lips to breathe her name I opened up my eyes and found myself alone alone alone above a raging sea that stole the only girl I loved and drowned her deep inside of me you soft and only you lost and lonely | you <3 | just like heaven post comment

*~* And maybe this is just right *~* [25 Jul 2006|09:34pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | none at the moment. ] Hey!!! =D I am having the best time ever!! I love the RDA, it's so amazing! Me and Abbi went along on Monday night for the first time and it was amazing!! it really was. We groomed a lovely pony called Lucy, she's just grand. Joyce, the woman who takes the classes is really nice. She knows I'm not very experienced with horses so she was really encouraging and she didn't force me to do anything that I didn't want to do. But grooming is absolutely fantastic! I had helped groom Lauren's pony Iona a wee while ago at Almondell so I had a rough idea to what I was doing. I even brushed her tail!! which is a big achievement for me, because I was too scared to do Iona's, but I did Lucy's and it was fine! I am much more confident with the grooming now, but grooming is really fab and I love it! All the volunteers there are so lovely, Everyone is so friendly and helpful. It's just a fantastic place to be and I love it so much. We went up again today at 11 and it was so much fun. We went in to the arena for a bit and played a wee ball game which was really fab. I had to throw the ball to the girl on the pony and she'd throw it back to me and eventually we'd get to the bottom and she'd try to score a goal. Then they'd trot back and we did it again. It was great, it's fabulous when you get really involved. Then me and Abbi went into the field to talk to the lovely Fergus and the lovely Robbie. Fergus is such a character, he always looks so sleepy and dopey but he's lovely. I wanted to steal Robbie!! Afterwards we went in to the clubhouse and spoke to Joyce, Edith, Hannah, Rhona and Kirsty. We just got introduced to Edith, Kirsty and Rhona today, they are all lovely! We chatted for a while and Joyce arranged a training night. So on Tuesday we get to ride!!!! =D I am so excited!!! A little nervous, but that's normal. I'll be fine though cause Joyce is leading me and I feel totally safe with her and I know everything will be fine cause I totally trust her. After we had chatted for a bit me and Abbi went and weeded a plant called "Ragwort" which is poisonous, we have to weed it because it can kill the horses, and let me tell you it was hard work!!! Me and Abbi were boiling, it wasn't really that tiring, it was just the heat that exhausted us. At about 1:15 Rhona gave us a lift home because she stays in Broxburn, which was really nice of her. She's lovely. Today has been fabulous!!! AND.... Since I am riding on Tuesday I get my jodphurs, boots and chaps really soon!!! hopefully at some point during the week or at the weekend! I am soooo excited! It was great playing the ball game today, it's even more fun when you actually work with the disabled and you get more involved. It's all just so fantastic and I love it =D! On Friday we're taking part in the sponsored walk which should be grand! and then we'll be back up on Monday night again, and then Tuesday is training night!!! I AM SO EXCITED! =D There is also an open day on Sunday the 6th of August, which my mum has just promised she will make tablet for! It's all just so grand! I can't wait to get on on Tuesday. Joyce said she will probably put me on Lucy because she's a great pony to start with. She's absolutely gorgeous, she's 14.2 hh and she's just a wee star! I feel so safe and confident about it because of how lovely everyone is! I know I am going to be encouraged and I know that Joyce will be patient and take the time to explain everything to me =D It feels amazing to finally be getting involved with everything! Anyways as you can tell I am feeling pretty amazing =D That's all for now Anna xXx ooooh and I forgot to say... I also took the saddle off today!! which is another thing I have learned! yaaaaas! 2 comments|post comment

*~* But i'll be there for you, as the world falls down ♥♥♥ *~* [23 Jul 2006|10:13pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Arctic Monkeys - I bet that you look good on the dancefloor ] Hellooo!! Well today has been fab!!! I went to Abbi's and we went to Livi with her cool Australian family :] We went to JJB and got trousers and tops to wear for when we go to the stables. I bought two pairs of trackies, a t shirt, and a zippy top. I also bought yellow submarine beatles laces from Anarchy, they're so cool!! And I bought pink and black lacy arm warmers from Claire's. I CAN'T WAIT TILL TOMMOROW NIGHT!!!!! We start at the stables yaaaaaay =D! It's gonna be so much fun! I've had such a fab day :] It really has been grand. I felt really panicky at one point when we were in the centre but I'm really proud of myself because I stopped myself from thinking about it and it went away after a while :] That's all for now! Anna xXx 1 comment|post comment

I can't run anymore. [22 Jul 2006|12:40pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | phantom of the opera - learn to be lonely ] Right now I miss belgium more than ever. Because at least I didn't get screamed at as soon as I woke up there. I want to be far away from here. I need to get out of this house. I can't stand living with them anymore, I hate this. All they ever do is pick out the bad things. I never get any encouragement for anything I do. If it doesn't benefit them then there's no point in doing it. I'm supposed to start working at the disabled riding school on Monday but my mum is now refusing to get me any of the stuff I need for it because it doesn't pay and it doesn't benefit her. But she doesn't realise that It's gonna help so many people. I don't care if it doesn't pay, I don't want money for doing it. It's a charity. It means so much to me and they don't even take it seriously, even though I'm willing to get up at 5am every morning to walk to the bloody stables if I have to. Apparantly I wont be commited to it. They'll see, they'll soon see how commited I am. My mum was lovely enough to tell Laura's mum that I will fail at school cause I'm not clever, I'm stupid. It's nice to see how encouraging she is. She's refusing to drive us to Winchburgh as well now. Which isn't fair because she should share the driving out with Abbi's mum. I'm so sorry Abbi, your mum is so enthusiastic about us doing this and mine isn't. I wish my mum showed an interest in the things I do, but she doesn't. She only focuses on the things she hates about me. She didn't even say she was proud of me for the mental health group, she didn't even ask about the movie or anything. She doesn't care because she doesn't believe in me. She doesn't encourage me, neither does my dad. I get encouragement from other people. I try not to let it bring me down because I don't want to believe that I'm a failure. I'll try my best to get things sorted out myself Abbi, but I'm really sorry about my parents. They don't believe in this and they don't take it seriously. I'm gonna stay at Jaclyn's tonight, thankyou so much hen. And I'm gonna ask my brother if I can stay at his for a while, cause I need to get away from here. I can't stand it. That's all. Anna. xXx 1 comment|post comment

♥ [18 Jul 2006|12:03am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | jewel - you were meant for me ] I hear the clock, it's six a.m. I feel so far from where I've been I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too Got my maple syrup, everything but | you <3 | I break the yolks and make a smiley face I kinda like it in my brand new place I wipe the spots off of the mirror, don't leave the keys in the door I never put wet towels on the floor anymore 'cause Dreams last so long, even after you're gone I know, that you love me and soon you will see You were meant for me and I was meant for you I Called my momma, she was out for a walk Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk So picked up a paper, it was more bad news More hearts being broken or people being used Put on my coat in the pouring rain I saw a movie it just wasn't the same 'Cause it was happy and I was sad and It made me miss you oh so bad cause Dreams last so long, even after you're gone I know, that you love me and soon you will see You were meant for me and I was meant for you I go about my business, I'm doing fine Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line Same old story, not much to say Hearts are broken every day I brush my teeth and put the cap back on I know you hate it when I leave the light on I pick up a book and turn the sheets down and then Take a deep breath and a good look around Put on my pj's and hop into bed I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead I, I try and tell myself it'll be all right I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause Dreams last so long, even after you're gone I know, that you love me and soon you will see You were meant for me and I was meant for you Yeah, you were meant for me and I was meant for you ♥ 1 comment|post comment

*~* I could possibly be falling *~* [10 Jul 2006|10:38pm] [ mood | hyper ] [ music | none at the moment. ] Hello :] Well today has been grand! I went for a walk with Ryan, Abbi and Abbi's dog Saffy to Almondell. It was so much fun! We met Lauren up there, she was riding her pony Iona, she's such a wee sweetheart. Ryan rode Iona and we went up to the stables with Lauren so she could put Iona in, tidy up, feed her etc.. It was fab!! Then we walked back with Lauren and I had some good banter with her about ponies. Then me, Ryan and Abbi and Saffy of course! went back to Abbi's. I tried on Abbi's riding stuff, put on the helmet, chaps, jodhpurs etc. It was so much fun! Then we enquired about various riding schools. Tommorow I am meeting Abbi at 8am! and we are going to phone Drum and then we are hopefully going through to help out! fingers crossed that they have spaces! I'm sure they will. The plan is that we will work at Drum for about a month, and then go on to somewhere who pays. But if Drum lets us ride for free since we are helping out then Abbi isn't going to get her own horse or pony. The horses and ponies down there will be pretty friendly and easy to ride which is awesome. If I stick at it for a year, and if I enjoy it. I'm allowed to get my own pony. If Drum don't let us ride then we will probably start lessons, hopefully private ones, and then we will save up for a year and Abbi might still get one. My mum still has her doubts about how serious I am about this. But I'm just going to prove her wrong :] If I don't enjoy riding then I'll still get a pony, but let others ride it. But Abbi is pretty certain that I am going to love it. I'm just a little bit nervous but that's normal I suppose. I'm hoping Drum will let us ride because we will be doing it voluntary and the ponies there will be easy to ride. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to tommorow. :] Anna xXx 2 comments|post comment

♥ [09 Jul 2006|11:07pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | an american tail - somewhere out there ] ♥ Somewhere out there Beneath the pale moonlight Someone's thinking of me And loving me tonight Somewhere out there.... Someone's saying a prayer That we'll find one another In that big somewhere out there And even though I know how very far apart we are It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky Somewhere out there.... If love can see us through Then we'll be together Somewhere out there Out where dreams Come true... ♥ post comment

*~* Dear my love... *~* [04 Jul 2006|09:36pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | lifehouse - you and me ] Hey. I had a good night last night. Abbi stayed over and we had a really good laugh. She's an amazing friend and I love her to bits :] Tonight I went for a walk with Ryan and Abbi... We were supposed to be walking to McDonalds to get Mcflurry's but Ryan didn't want to go so we didn't.. we just walked to the Jet garage and back. And Ryan never said a word for the whole time... I dunno why, he started talking again when we got nearer to my house. I'm kinda confused about it to be honest. Everyone seems so happy and content at the moment and I wish I could be the same. People tell me things, people feed me the whole "oh I'll do this and that with you" garbage and then they don't even bother. I guess they probably just forget what they have said, but it makes me wonder if people are actually being honest with me. Don't get me wrong, I have some amazing friends. But sometimes I feel like I'm only good enough when people want me to listen to their problems and when it comes to mine they don't have the time to listen, or they just nod and agree or make a huge joke out of it... which kinda hurts. Right now I feel like I could just walk for miles and miles, but I can't because I'd most likely get jumped. I wish I could though... I wish it was safe to do that because then no one would need to moan at me. I'm not interested in sitting in front of a computer screen anymore, I don't enjoy it. I dunno... maybe my expectations are just too high, but I'm scared to ask people if they wanna do things because I know that if I do I'll just get moaned at. Ryan - you told me you didn't mind and tonight has proved that you obviously do. You made that very clear tonight. Exercise is really important to me because I don't want to be lazy. I want to walk everyday. But I know that very soon I will have no choice but to go it alone. I can't force my interests on other people. Right now, walking is my escape.... it's taking my mind off of certain things and it gives me some time to think. I love it. I'm beginning to regret telling certain people certain things, I think in the future if it's something that means alot to me, I'm just gonna keep it to myself... to avoid slagging and other hurtful things. Anyway.... I'm getting up really early tommorow because I'm planning on walking to the Gyle again, and when I get there I'm gonna look for a job, but properly this time.... then I want to walk back again, I don't want to get the bus. I doubt anyone will want to go with me though so I'll probably end up not going at all. So um yeah. Thats my rant over for tonight. Anna xXx 6 comments|post comment

*~* la la *~* [03 Jul 2006|02:20am] [ mood | okay ] [ music | none at the moment. ] Your Love Style is Eros For you, love is all about the passion! And chances are, you're currently in love. You have a strong physical response to love... And you are great at committing (As long as the person makes your toes curl!) What's Your Love Style? Eros got Eros! YAAAAS! How strange lol... :] post comment

*~* time after time *~* [02 Jul 2006|11:17pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | eva cassidy - time after time ] Lying in my bed, I hear The clock tick and think of you Turning in circles Confusion is nothing new Flashback to warm nights Almost left behind Suitcase of memories Time after Sometimes you picture me I’m walking too far ahead You’re calling to me I can’t hear what you have said And you say, ‘Go slow’ I fall behind The second hand unwinds If you’re lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you I’ll be waiting Time after time If you fall I will catch you I will be waiting Time after time Time after time After your picture fades And darkness has turned to gray Watching through windows I’m wondering if you’re okay And you say go slow I fall behind The drum beats out of time If you’re lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you I’ll be waiting Time after time If you fall I will catch you I will be waiting Time after time Time after time Time after time Time after time Time after time post comment

hey [02 Jul 2006|12:23am] [ mood | okay ] [ music | the green fields of france - the corries ] Hey Me and Jaclyn just wanted to post this to say To those who fought and died for their country in the great war, may you all rest in peace, we will never forget the sacrifice you made It's the 90th anniversary of the battle of the somme. xx post comment

*~* you don't know what you've got till it's gone *~* [29 Jun 2006|05:57pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | none at the moment. ] Hey. Well today has been really good. I walked to the gyle with Ryan, it took us two hours but it was good fun. I wanted to walk back but we couldn't cause Ryan had to be in at 6 so we had to get the bus. I get the impression that Ryan doesn't want to walk with me anymore. So I'll probably end up having to go on my own. You can all call me sad and pathetic if you like but I am doing this because I want to be healthy, I am so sick and tired of sitting on this computer all day and night. It is such a waste of time and I hate it. I miss going out and actually doing things. I am trying my hardest to lose weight and I am really serious about it. I need to find someone who is interested in the same sort of things as me cause I'm not allowed to go out walking alone, I would if it was safe. But it isn't. You can all sigh and tell me that I don't need to lose weight and you can say that I'm doing it for attention or whatever. But I really don't give a damn. I'm doing it because I want to, it's my body and it's up to me if I want to lose weight. Ryan, I get the impression that you'd rather not walk with me anymore and if that's the case then can you please just be honest with me and tell me that... So yeah... I need to find someone who enjoys exercising everyday. Cause seriously, I am through with sitting on this computer everyday. I would love to be able to go out running, jogging, walking everyday. But I don't think I have anyone to do that with anymore. Because Ryan, I am seriously getting the impression that you hate it. Pfft I dunno. If anyone has any ideas to what I could do here please tell me. It would be very much appreciated. That's all for now. Anna xXx 15 comments|post comment

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